YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND LIKE A GIRL CHANGES CLOTHES

Once, I almost got raped. By a deaf old lady.

It was probably the most awkward 4 minutes of my life. It was a nice march day a couple of weeks ago, and I was walking my dog Lucky around the block. Something you need to understand is that Lucky has this weird fat pocket on his right shoulder as big as a watermelon, and it looks really strange becuase it's only on one side of him. Don't worry or anything, its harmless, people just laugh every time they see him.

You know what I never understood? Why do old people take aimless walks? Like, you'll see this old person just walking. Going nowhere. It makes me really sad becuase I just want to say "Are you lost? Where's your parents? Where are you going?" Once, I saw this old man in a white suit and a black top hat just walking around near a busy road. He had a cane, and it was summer. I laughed.

Anyways, back to my story.

So as I was walking my strange dog, an old lady approaches me. She was wearing one of those really ugly track-suit-rain-coat things from the mid 80's. It was really worn out and it was green, a brighter green, pink and purple. She had white hair that kinda looked like rabbit hair, and she was wearing those old people glasses with the string attached so she wont loose them, like Mr. Hyppi.

So as she walked up to me I prepared myself to be asked the question every other person asks when they see me with my dog; "What kind of dog is that?" And I can see it in there eyes they're asking themselfs "and why does he have a giant tumour on his shoulder?" So of course she asked the question, "What kind of dog is that?"

But she was different from all the others. I couldn't really understand her. I guessed that she had an accent or some shit. It was a windy day so as I pushed my hair from my face, I was kind of looking down and said "He's a chow and retriever." Every time I get asked that question I give a different answer, becuase I always forget what kind of dog Lucky is. I'm a good mother.

The lady then responded, "I'm deaf. I can read your lips. What kind of dog is he?" Now me being me, thought she said "I'm dead. I can read your lips." I thought she said this because I couldn't really understand her, because she spoke the way deaf people speak and she had an accent. Is that even possible?

Anyways, I guess she must not have heard me the first time I told her what kind of dog Lucky is because I was looking down. So I repeated again, "He's a chow and retriever." And just becuase I was in a good mood I added, "He has a purple tongue." I guess she didn't understand me. Again.

She said "What?" And at this point the conversation's dead. I was expecting a "Hey, Whats up? Nm." conversation. I started to walk away when she said something I can't remember, and I responded looking in her opposite direction, forgetting she was deaf and couldnt understand me. She said something once more. I didn't respond. I later saw her again, and ignored her.

Sorry for claiming I almost got raped, it was a very intense conversation and I was convinced she wanted me in her old-lady pants.

SUZANNNNEEEE ♣